


Edge of Failure

by LilacSunflower



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Confusion, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Jealousy, Kylo Ren Angst, Misunderstandings, Post-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, Snoke's Manipulation, Suicidal Thoughts, The Dark Side of the Force, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-22 03:25:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14299743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilacSunflower/pseuds/LilacSunflower
Summary: Alternative Episode VIII.Rey thought she had all figured out. She was supposed to train under Jedi Master Luke Skywalker to help free the galaxy of evil Kylo Ren and the dominance of The First Order. Unfortunately, not always things are so simple.During her journey to became a Jedi Knight, she starts to piece together the puzzle of Ben Solo's fall to the Dark Side and discover a strange power that connects her with her loaded enemy.It's easy to get lost in a world of half-truths and manipulations.





	1. Darkness Within

**Author's Note:**

> This work disregards The Last Jedi almost completely. Some plot points will be used, but I'm taking a very different path. I understand that this might offend some people that really liked the movie, but I urge people to please take this warning in consideration before getting upset about the story

She's floating.

It's a strange sensation.

She had never floated before. Although she spent her entire life hopping up and down old ships and wreckage of all kind, she was always firmly planted on the ground. She has no idea why she's floating now. Maybe is some kind of side effect of hyperspace speed.

Her body feels wrong, like she's feeling it from above while still being inside of it. She looks up and sees the perpetual vastness of the black deep space with its beautiful stars, bright points of light in the intangible charcoal velvet of the galaxy, trying to situate herself on the ship. Of course her body is where's suppose to be, seated on the chair, right beside Chewbacca. But looking at stars didn't make anything to lesser that strange “out of body” sensation.

It doesn't matter, though. It feels good.

She's so utterly tired. The immensity of the events in her life that lead her to this very moment has finally caught up to her beaten body. Suspended in the air here, she feels exhausted. The profound pain in her soul regarding Han Solo's death is intolerable, it really feels like ripping her body in half with grief.

And, in the end, it was just an utmost waste. The only thing that old, bitter and lovely man managed to accomplish in the last moments of his life was to look into his son's eyes while his heart was being crossed by the monster that lives inside those dark orbs crimson sabre. Not even the constant state of hunger - _hunger?_ \- that she endured on her long years alone under an unforgiven sun had ever felt so heavy.

The fact that she only wanted everything to end, to stop, when she first saw that familiar face – _no, not that familiar, not like she knew Han her entire life_ – after so long – _so long?_ \- only make the hurting worse. It wasn't supposed to end like that.

He had promised to help. He did. It sounded so sincere.

He had promised. Again.

And she believed him. With all the incandescent hope of her heart. Again.

Foolishly. Childishly. Again.

And he failed her. Again.

_Han hadn't promised her anything. Where did that thought come from?_

In the end of all her misery - _she isn't miserable_ -, all that remains is the image of the eyes of the man she once worshiped (not loved, never love, love is weakness) full of adoration and regret painfully branded with the fire of that final battle of wills in the back of her brain

The weightless of her long limbs - _why is long such a foreign concept to her?_ \- provided a merciful sense of finality, though. And it still doesn't matter because It'll all be forgotten soon. In a moment, she'll be engulfed by the peaceful nothingness. As it always should have been.

Her skin burns unbearably. _Why is her face...?_

“Pathetic child!” a croaking voice sounds.

And the world burst in light and pain.

Her agonizing scream perforated the quiet of the captain's cabin. Everything hurts and her lungs feels blocked. She couldn't breathe while her body was attacked by an onslaught of torturing damage.

Chewbacca rushed to her side, obviously shocked by her sudden outburst. He touched her shoulder, obviously trying to check on her body for injuries and being careful, but his touch makes the pain worse and she scrambles away from him swiftly, shocks hurting her whole body. Something tingled on the base of her skull, like an alarm on the very tip of her brain.

Then, the pain stopped. Just like that.

Rey opens the eyes she didn't know were closed, mainly due to Chewie's stunned grunts. She would prefer very much to curl up in a tight ball, cowering in a corner, but it's literally impossible with the very stressed giant being in front of her, not knowing what was happening to her and demanding answers.

“I don't know, Chewie,” she responded, trying to reign on the spinning of her head.

He grunted some more, a little bit calmer.

“Maybe, but I didn't realize I was asleep. I think I'm more tired than I felt. People say that when you relax, all the exhausting weights on you.”

Chewie makes a purring sound, signaling ahead with his chin.

A blue planet is fast approaching. Rey smiles, wondering if she would ever tire of seeing the fantastic image of large bodies of water. Only a few days ago, such a concept was completely foreigner to her. Even with all the craziness that happened in the last days, she couldn't help but feel happy. All that potential to life was simply fascinating to her. There was so much within the galaxy that she didn't have even heard about and she's steadily knowing little bits of it.

“Yes, we're almost there,” she whispered.

Although they were going there in name of Luke Skywalker's sister – his twin, to be precise – her hands are sweating, a typical reaction of her body that she always hated – every time she gets nervous about something, that happens, and it's very difficult to scavenge with sweaty hands. She simply didn't know what's about to happen. She doesn't know much about anything, to be honest. It all happened so fast that only now, landing in a very narrow patch of dry soil close to the beach, she's really thinking about the big burden that's this mission.

The place isn't much more than a glorified rock. Yes, it's an island, with the heavy scent of salty water in the air, a little bit of forest, the sounds of local animals and definitely a lot more of green than she's accustomed with. The sheer amount of water – only ever seen by her in dreams – surrounding them is scary and she questioned her decision to follow General Organa's orders to try and find the Master Jedi.

What's a desert rat like her is doing in an island, in a far corner of the galaxy few people knew about, looking for someone that she thought a myth only a week ago? She didn't know anything about oceans. Or Jedi.

Chewie calls her attention to stairs at their left that lead to what seems to be a series of small shacks and they head there. A humanoid figure in light colored clothing appears at the top of the steps, its face covered by a hood. Rey feels a small tingling on the back of her neck. Its similar to what she felt when she first landed on the Resistance's base and met the General for the first time, but a lot muted.

Chewie roars.

“Chewie?” the person says, pulling down the hood to reveal a bearded, withered man, with disheveled hair and piercing blue eyes. “What are you doing here? How did you find me?” He looks at Rey and frowns. “What's this, Chewie? Who is this girl? Here is Han?”

Only a little whine escapes Chewie's lips and the wookiee looks down, in obvious sadness.

Not knowing what to do or say, she pulls the lightsaber that called to her on Maz Katana's castle out of her backpack and offers it to him silently.

Wide eyed, the man – Luke Skywalker, as Rey assumes – looks at the weapon and asks again, “Who are you? How do you have this?”

“I'm Rey. This lightsaber called to me on Takodana, I really don't know why. I felt the Force when I fought Kylo Ren on Starkiller Base and managed to defeat him, but none of these things make sense to me. General Organa sent me after piecing together the map you left behind. She said you're the only one that can help me understand the reason. She also told me to beg you to come with us. The galaxy needs you,” she responds softly.

“Fought who?” Luke asks, puzzled.

Chewie grunts quietly the terrible explanation. While he speaks, Rey sees Luke's confused expression slowly transforming into shock, horror and despair.

“Ben? No, that can't truth. I would felt it.”

“But you couldn't,” Rey says in an impulse. “You let the Force in you diminishes so much that Leia can't reach you.”

“How do you know that?”

“It's true, isn't it? I feel it. I could feel Leia's presence before even see her. I'm right in front of you and I only feel a little whisper in the back of my mind. Why would you do that? So many died because you fled, so much pain. Han...”

Mourn written all over his face, Luke says, “I couldn't stay. You don't understand. Leia wouldn't, too. I had to find... Oh, Maker! Ben... But I can't go back. Not right now. I need more time.”

“More time to what?”

Another series of noises are produced by their furry companion and Skywalker looks at him with guilty eyes.  
“I heard rumors. But I never thought that Ben had fallen so completely to the Dark Side,” he says, seeming to be talking more to himself than them. “I thought that I could reverse it, that I could fix him. I spent the entire time he was with me trying to help him fight the dark inside of him.”

“Fix him? There's nothing to fix on that monster,” she replies, indignant. “He enjoys to make people suffer. He has no soul.”

Tears starts to roll down the old Jedi Master's face, “Please, don't say that!”

Chewie makes a reproving noise.

“He killed his own father! Why are you trying to defend him?”

Rey feels anger rising inside of her and she closes her eyes, the images of Han falling down into oblivion and Finn's wounds spinning in her mind.

“Get out of here!” Luke shouts, surprising her, his face now a mask of coldness. “I have nothing to teach you! I tried to tame the darkness once and look what happened. I won't make the same mistake again. Take her out of here the fastest you can, Chewie!”

With that, he turns his back on them and runs to one of the huts and closes the door, leaving Rey and Chewbacca stunned behind.

“Darkness?” Rey whispers, utterly lost.


	2. Chasing Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A frank conversation between Luke and Chewie.

Rey decides that having dreams come true is definitely not what people make it out to be. Because, from her experience, it sucks. Major suck.

 

It's kind of ironic, really. Planets away from her old makeshift bed on Jakku, she's still tossing and turning, not able to sleep. Not only because she's too wired up due to all the tension, physical and emotional exhaustion, insecurity and straight up confusion of the last day of her life or because this particular bed's so foreign to her, but due to the uncomfortable feeling of nonacceptance that haunted her entire life.

 

The life she spent dreaming about this specific island – dreams where she marveled at all the greens and little veins of drinkable water, blissfully feeling the wind that brought the ocean's smell – and deeming herself stupid because those dreams could only be product of her loneliness and starvation. When she finally figures out that it's all truth, though, there's no happiness for being in this planet.

 

After Luke Skywalker's rather dramatically turned his back on her and Chewie, the wookiee, in fierce obstinacy, decided to stay in the alien island and wait for a better time to talk with his old ally, taking huts for himself and Rey. At her reluctance, he argued there was no one around to complain about a bed used for the night. Which was a good point. But the oppressive real pain in her body, certainly result of grieve, mixed with the immaterial pain in her heart's keeping her to rest.

 

It's all so weird. She doesn't remember being that emotional and vulnerable for anything that isn't the ache of missing her family. Thinking about the old Jedi Master brings a sudden wave of resentment and rage that she doesn't fully understand, but can't avoid. He didn't have the right to treat her the way he did, throwing her out like trash and accusing her of being dark when he didn't know anything about her. She knows that violence is part of her, but it's unfair of him to judge her with only one glance. It's not exactly her fault that she had to spend her short life fighting for every bit of sustenance available.

 

Once more, Han Solo's eyes – and the hopeless expression on them – flashes in her mind and uncontrollable tears well up in her eyes. It feels like a constant agony. Rey, despite trying her hardest, can't forget the old man's face. The hours go by in this spiral of feelings. Confusion, loneliness, pain and a sentiment that she couldn't define, but takes over her. Like unworthiness, like she would never belong, no matter how hard she tries, like it would be preferable to die. Like failure.

 

Failure.

 

Failure.

 

Suddenly, she's engulfed in darkness. The candles Chewie left must have run out at some point because she couldn't see anything. It's only Rey, the ache and her self-hatred. She tries to escape the torment, assuming a meditation position on the cold ground, but her brain keeps shouting at her how much she's useless or can't do anything right or couldn't escape the unforgiven claws of her destiny. Unwanted, unfit, inadequate, weak...

 

“ _Calm yourself, child,”_ she hears the same guttural voice from before at the same time she sees a person on the ground, a few meters to her left, so tightly rolled up in fetal position that is impossible discern its features. _“Everything happened so fast. Of course you would be lost. It's natural that you feel that way. But I'm here to guide you through the path of greatness, as I had always been.”_

 

The person makes a wounded sound, a mixture of relieved sigh and whimper. At the same time, a tall, disfigured creature appears out of nowhere in front of her face and she screams, opening her eyes.

 

Except it's not a scream, just the hushed sound of someone walking up from a nightmare where they screamed. At some point, tiredness took over and she fell asleep, opening her mind to disturbing imagery.

 

The light of day entering the windows hurt her eyes a little bit and her head feels heavy, a dull pain on the base of her skull, similar to that one time she drank Corellian Ale on a dare. She didn't get drunk per se, not like the people she used to see leaving the brothel at all odd hours of the day, but her body felt wrong all day after that. Even so, Rey goes out to find Chewie.

 

Her furry companion's voice echoes from above and she sees that he's accompanied by Skywalker on the very top of the stairs, very engrossed in conversation. The sharp wookiee was monitoring her, though, because he looks down and gestures, indicating the hut he took for himself, from where a faint scent of caf fills the air, in a clear message. Luke stays silent, looking at their exchange with a pensive expression.

 

Chewie looks over the horizon, an uncharacteristic low murmur of Shyriiwook on his lips, both friends contemplating the galaxy's dire situation and the meager alternatives they have.

 

“No, I really didn't. I knew Snoke had his claws on him and he turned dark, but I wanted to believe that there was still time to revert it. He was so strong, so determined to do the right thing. Despite hearing about a Darksider, I still hoped it wasn't him. I should have seek him out immediately. I was a fool,” Luke responded, shame marring his words.

 

His friend whispers again.

 

“I was lost, ashamed, feeling defeated. You name a negative emotion and I probably had it. The search for an answer, for a way to fix my wrong doings consumed me and I didn't see anything other than that. When you told me about... Han... I... I...” the words escape him and Luke goes quiet, the weight of his mistakes making impossible to speak of.

 

A series of low groans.

 

“I miss her, too. Every day we're apart. Maybe that's the reason I was so hard on my poor nephew. I saw my longing reflected on his,” Luke reminisces, followed by a little bitter laugh. “Longing is not the Jedi way,” a shake of head. “Stupid rules.”

 

Chewie responds with an exasperated groan.

 

“Easier said than done,” the Jedi snorts. “It seems like the past is constantly seeking me so there's no way I can forget about it. This time it even sent the Falcon after me.”

 

The wookiee throws his hands up and goes on a full rant.

 

“It's like talking to a wall. How can it be a good idea for me to teach her about this power? Did you hear a word of what we talked about just now?” Luke asked, his tone inflammatory.

 

Which only obtains an inflamed response.

 

“No, she doesn't. She can spend the rest of her life without knowing anything about the Force, the Sith or the Jedi. That little girl is nothing but just that. A little girl. Exactly like I was when I thought the galaxy needed me, needed a new Jedi,” he replies. “And look where we are today. Ben and the First Order are our problem, not hers. It's too much of a burden to put on someone so young.”

 

A fierce grunt.

 

“You don't understand, Chewie. She might be strong, but you didn't sense the shadow looming over her like I did. The Dark Side is already connecting to her and I honestly don't know how. All I sense is a dark presence on her. It feels like part of her, just like what happened to Ben. What makes you think that I can help her more than I helped my own blood?”

 

Another stream of alien groans erupt from furry lips. This time, though, Luke's eyes soften. He pauses for a long moment, looking at the gentle waves indolently licking the small shore bellow.

 

“You're right. Of course you are. I took away Ben's choice and tried to turn him into a Jedi. It's not right to deny this stranger that wants to learn the teachings that my nephew never wanted, but I forced upon him anyway.”

 

Right on cue, Rey exits the hut, looking up with hopeful eyes, all traces of the dark vanished in the bright light of the day. Luke sighs and heads to the stairs, descending it with agility unfathomed for someone his age, the girl's eyes eagerly following his steps. He stops in front of her, smiling kindly at her obvious tension.

 

“For what I was told, you have no idea what I'm supposed to teach you,” he says in a soft tone. She only nods. “What do you thing you'll achieve here?”

 

“Whatever you teach me will be much more than I know so far,” she says, firmly. “All I know is that I felt this power inside of me and I don't know what it means or from where it came. It calls to me like the lightsaber. It scares me,” she pauses, frowning, as if making a hard decision. “But I have to be honest if you'll teach me. What I want the most is find out what happened to me and my family, why I was left alone all these years. I need to know and this thing inside of me tells me that the way to find the answers is to learn about the Force.”

 

“I appreciate your sincerity. I can't promise you to be a Jedi Master, this time in my life ended with the destruction of my Jedi Temple, but I can help you understand the Force that manifested on you,” he points with his head to an old tree, stuck on a stoned plateau. “Come, we have to discuss some things.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always thought of Snoke as a supreme manipulator. Therefore, he's the kind of person that treats one like garbage in one moment, just to turn and be extremely sweet the next one. Which justifies - at least to me - Kylo's confused devotion. I hope this chapter's bit of information sums the kind of relationship I think Master and Apprentice have.  
> Also, Chewie deserves better.  
> Did I mention that this story is slow burn? Even I think this is veeeryyy sloooow... :)

**Author's Note:**

> Reviews and kudos are highly appreciated. Constructive criticism is always welcomed, but try to be polite about it.


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